Is That the Smell of Defeat or Week Old Undergarments? Ew.

Hopefully you’ve never been in the position to ask your date/mate “What is that acrid stench?”  aka “What stinks???”  I really hope that you haven’t been the answer to that question either.  I was reminded the other day of a couple gals that I dated where there were some bad hygiene related issues.I was having lunch with Miss C. the other day.  We were talking about the Urban Dater site and different topics and the speed dating thing I’d recently participated in.  The topic turned to hygiene.  Miss C. noted that there were a couple guys that smelled kinda funny and not in a “ha ha” kind of way, when she went on her speed dating adventure.  I didn’t take note of any foul smelling individuals and I think I didn’t smell like boiled cabbage, which is always nice; at least that’s what the ladies tell me.

I recalled the story of the gal I dated with halitosis and then another gal I went on a date with several years ago, who smelled funny, also not in the “ha ha” sense of the term… Anyway, we only went on one date.  We met up for drinks and chatted for a bit.  The bar was loud that we were at and she leaned in to repeat something she had said and that’s when I noticed an odor that couldn’t possibly be bad breath… I was pretty curious what this odoriferous emanation was. In thinking about this more (at that point I was pretty turned off), my date smelled like she hadn’t showered in, I dunno, a month.  I mean, she was ripe!  How in the hell do I deal with this?

I racked my brain for things to say to bring it to her attention and not be rude.  Certainly my date was nice and sweet and I didn’t want to be a jerk to her or embarrass her… It just seemed there was little way around this obstacle. So, as far as the date went, it ended after we finished a couple drinks… Thankfully.

Miss C. offered up the following solution: “Why didn’t you ask your date if she wanted to take a swim??” What!!?  A swim!!?  “Then what?” I shot back.  Was I supposed to suggest, ‘Hey.  How would you feel about taking a swim?  Maybe we could walk through a car wash together and then after that we can rinse each other off with a high pressure hose?  Oh!  When we’re done we can go shopping for new clothes and burn your old rags.

Somehow I don’t see that working out, but in the future if faced with a similar situation, then perhaps I will offer my date to go swimming and then shop for some new clothes…  Or just carry a high pressure hose; maybe even a gas mask!  Or wrap them up in a human sized SOS pad and roll them into the ocean for a good scrubbing!


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