On Opposite Sides.

Opposites attract but do they stay together? Relationships that last are generally based on common interests, goals, values and ambitions. Attraction is essential but without the emotional and intellectual connection there can’t be much depth to a relationship. When dating we are putting the best version of ourselves out there. We are dressed to impress, we are polite, we are on our best behavior in the hope that we can go on a second date with this person if all goes well. But beyond the looking good and light first date conversation there are the real issues that need to be addressed before a relationship can continue. Typically the heavy issues such as religion, politics, children and the future are off limit topics for the early stages of dating. While I somewhat agree with that, how long do these topics need to be avoided?

If I am on a date with someone who is clearly on the opposite political spectrum from me I’m not likely to continue dating them. So why not save time and get the details in the beginning so no one invests valuable time casually dating someone that down the road there isn’t going to be a future with? Some people may argue that “Well that’s the fun part of dating, just enjoying some one’s company. Not everyone you go out with has to be your soul mate.” Well yes, that’s true, but that’s what friends are for. I have plenty of friends that I differ with on the subjects of religion and politics. However the man I’m dating needs to be on the same page as me.

Opposites attract, we all know this. But can they ever really work out in the long run? Maybe, if the difference in opinion is not so extreme. If there is a compromise that can be reached and the ability to agree to disagree is possible then yes, maybe. However when it comes to morals or values there is little room to disagree and stay together. An example of this was the most recent man I was seeing, in theory he was wonderful for me. We had a few great dates but then we began to discuss religion and politics, we were split on every major issue. That was a deal breaker for me, I can’t possibly see how anyone can make a relationship work with when they completely disagree with their partner.

While I don’t think first date conversation needs to be centered on major issues such as the death penalty or the existence of God, I do think bringing up the subjects should happen  early on in the dating process if you would like to have a future with that person. If the main goal is to casually enjoy their company or have a five night stand then I guess the topics can be avoided.


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