Common Courtesy.

“When did common courtesy become so uncommon?”

When it comes to dating there are some instances where courtesy is lacking. Maybe women have lowered their expectations and that’s why when a man holds open the door for us we are surprised. Or when a guy has enough guts to tell us he isn’t interested we are taken aback.

It seems as though dating isn’t about ‘courting’ anymore but rather about going through the motions for the pay off. I’m not asking to be swept off of my feet but a little extra effort goes a long way. Maybe some tips on the basics are in order

SIMPLE ACTION

My last boyfriend opened the car door, walked on the street side of the sidewalk , opened every door, pulled out my chair and gave me his jacket when I was cold. He did all those things for me EVERY SINGLE DAY we were together. He was an absolute gentleman. Which is now why I tend to be let down when a guy I’m dating doesn’t do those things. Sometimes the simplest of actions resonate with women.  Chivalry isn’t dead!  Throwing ones coat over a puddle isn’t necessary but don’t underestimate the power of chivalry or gentlemanly conduct.

HONESTLY?

“All he has to do is pick up the damn phone and call me, text me even! I’m not going to be picky at this point. But what the hell I never hear from him again?! Then I’m making myself crazy thinking did I do something wrong? What’s wrong with me? How hard is it to say “I’m not interested.’ Really how hard is it??!!?”- my dear friend who shall remain anonymous.

Unfortunately this rant is all too common. You meet a guy, you think he’s great the first couple of dates go well, things are progressing and then out of the blue he is missing. No calls, no texts, nothing, nada, zip. Where do you go? Are that many men joining the witness protection program? It’s beyond frustrating to put in time and effort dating someone and then have it end with no real understanding of why. Yes, the answer is obvious he wasn’t interested, but why the disappearing act?  Now I have dated guys who had the guts to have the uncomfortable “I like you but I don’t see this going anywhere” conversation and I am grateful for them. Hell I’ve even stayed friends with some of them. But recently some of my friends have been treated with a complete lack of respect. For example, a girlfriend of mine, met a guy on a dating website, they went out had some good times but he wouldn’t call or text much. He was really flakey when it came to keeping and making plans. Then one day he just disappears. Won’t answer texts or calls, it’s as if he has died or something. The next thing my friend knows he is listed as ‘in a relationship’ on a social networking site and she got her answer, he wasn’t dead, he wasn’t missing, he has a girlfriend and he wasn’t into her. Which begs the question, why wasn’t he just honest? He could have said he was seeing other people and then let my friend know that he decided to pursue a relationship with someone else. That would be the mature choice. Instead he caused my friend unnecessary self doubt and hurt feelings.

BE POLITE

Now this is my biggest pet peeve, on a recent date I was having a conversation with my date when he interrupted me. Ok, fine he had an interjection, no problem. As the night went on I begun to notice that my date was interrupting me every time I spoke. It was as if he wasn’t really listening to me but rather waiting for his turn to speak.  I also began to notice that he wasn’t really asking me any questions about, well, me. I basically knew his life story but he hadn’t found out about mine. Now as discussed in the Conversational Sensationalist everyone’s favorite subject is themselves which makes first date conversation generally flow. However I was starting to feel like I was at a lecture on the story of this guy’s life. LISTEN! Dating is about giving and taking and that applies to the conversation.

It all comes down the same lessons your grandmother and mother instilled in you as a child. Honesty is the best policy. Be polite. Act like a gentleman. Treat others as you want to be treated. Don’t interrupt and chew with your mouth closed.

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