Can Men and Women be Friends? A Female Perspective.

I have discussed this topic with two men recently and they both seemed to have the same point of view on the topic. Women and men can be friends but one person is always going to be attracted to the other even if the attraction is long harbored or fleeting. I think that is absolutely absurd. And yes I have reason’s to back it up. My point of view, yes women and men can be just friends in the most platonic sense of the word.

“So you’re telling me that every male friend I have, has at some point had a more than friends feeling towards me?” This was the question I asked the the two men and they both said yes. One of the reasons given was “attraction is attraction for men.” and “just because I’m attracted doesn’t mean I’m interested.” They may be right in some cases but not all. I have several males friends, I tend to get along better with males than females. If both of these men are right and all of my males friends have been attracted to me at some point then why didn’t they act on it? And don’t tell me they didn’t want to ruin the friendship because in the history of the world that excuse has never been true.

Is it because men can generally separate attraction/sex with love? Per example, when a women is attracted to a man she generally attaches some emotion to that attraction. It’s not the same brand of attraction that a male may feel. A man is more capable of seeing a women feeling a physical attraction towards her but not having an emotional connection with her. Thus the ability to have several physical relationships with women and not feel guilty about it. Women have been taught to treat the physical act of love as an emotional situation. So if we have several partners we are ingrained to feel guilt about it.

I think that the male being able to separate sex and emotions makes it easier to have the fleeting less than friendly thought about a female friend and not act on it. Because these kinds of thoughts are more common and not directed towards only females friends but at any attractive female.

Women however would put a bit more weight on the more than friends thought about a male friend. We would overanalyze it, talk to our friends about it and possibly act on it. If I had a more than friends feeling about any of male friends I would voice it regardless of the fear of rejection. But the reason they are just my friends is because I don’t feel an attraction towards them.

Isn’t the best part of having friendships the lack of complications that emotions and sex can bring like they do in relationships? Relationships are difficult because you are balancing friendship and deep emotions. Friendships are easier because they lack those aspects. Unless you mix the two and become friends with benefits. Which by the way NEVER works out well but that’s an entirely different article.

Despite the fact that men are more inclined to having an attraction towards a platonic female friend, doesn’t mean that they do. Think about it this way, people have a type or they find certain traits attractive in a person. Not everyone agrees on what is attractive. I think Steven Tyler from Aerosmith is sexy, yeah I do! But my best friend think he is gross. We have different taste.

I have male friends that are good looking and completely not my type. Can’t it be possible that I’m not my male friends type? That even though I’m an attractive female I just “don’t do it” for them? Thus the friendship being entirely platonic.
Alex’s article stated,

“Oh, but I’ve known her/him for such a long time. We’re like brother and/or sister.” Or my favorite: “There is no way they feel like that. I don’t feel that way for them! I just know that they don’t feel that way about me.”

My best friend is male and we have been best friends since first grade. There has never been an attraction, there has never been an sexual tension and yes we are more like brother and sister than anything. It’s not an excuse it’s the truth. It’s a simple fact of our friendship, we get along and we have a great time together and we are simply not each other’s type and we never have been. He is a great person he is an awesome boyfriend to his girlfriend, he is good looking and funny but I have zero attraction to him and it’s always been that way. I have the same type of friendship with a male co-worker. We have only known each other for a little over a year, but we get along great and we confide in one another and we are simply not attracted to each other. Every woman in a ten mile radius seems to be attracted to him. I am not at all. He doesn’t have the characteristics that I find attractive. He has a very specific type that he is attracted to, blonde, and I’m not his type.

A friend is someone that we have common interests with, get along with and find their company enjoyable. Yes you may have friends of the opposite sex who you find attractive and never act on it but the converse is also true. In conclusion it all boils down to one idea. Women and men can be just friends because not every man or woman is attracted to one another.

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