Which Side Are You On?

There is a theory in relationships that there is always one person that is slightly more attached than the other (and sometimes it happens to be more than just slightly). In very long-term relationships, this can go back and forth between the two people, each one taking their turn being more attached. Sometimes it just happens on its own, and sometimes an event can trigger this change.

Unfortunately for the female species, we are usually on the side of the equation that happens to be more attached. We feel like we are more “involved” in the relationship than the person that we are attached to.

Perhaps it is because there is more pressure on a female to get married (as a general rule). So, we feel that if a guy is even slightly better than horrible, we should try to hold on to him and not let go. The fear of reaching “spinster” age and being alone kicks in, and we let ourselves get attached to anyone that shows us the slightest interest.

And though this is a very common occurrence, oftentimes the person that is more attached does not realize that they are in this situation. Unfortunately, there usually comes a moment of clarity when this fact hits them upside the head like a ton of bricks. They are then faced with the question: “What do I do now?”

If you have been dating the other person for a while, and you have determined that you are truly far more attached than they are, it may be time to evaluate whether or not you should really stick around. There is a distinct feeling of disappointment that comes along with knowing that the other person is simply not as in to you as you are in to them. If the difference is minor, it is likely just small insecurities playing out. If the difference is small, it is often tolerable and almost not noticeable.

There is also the other side of the coin. If you are in a relationship where the other person is attached to you, and you are not attached at all, it can make for very uncomfortable moments. A decision needs to be made, and quickly. Is this person someone that you could see yourself becoming attached to? If the answer is no, it is only fair to the other person involved if you let them go. It is not the right thing to do to continue to string them along and let them believe that there is more to the relationship than there is. However, if you think that there is a possibility that you may one day also become attached, there is no need to be hasty. The important thing is to try not to make your lack of attachment (or at least your lesser attachment) known to the other person. If they become aware of the fact that they are far more attached, they may leave before you get your chance to see how you truly feel.

After all is said and done, it is most important that you do not take a one-sided relationship too much to heart. Everyone has them once in a while. And, if you give it some time, it may become the relationship you want. But don’t wait around too long… your self-esteem will get hit eventually, and you have to make sure you will be able to recover for the next one.


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