This is the Sound of Settling.

Is not just a good song by Death Cab for Cutie, it’s also a frightening trend in people’s attitude when it comes to dating. Why do people settle for a lukewarm relationship? Settle for a person they are not crazy in love with? My parents have been married for 26 years and they are still madly in love. I think it’s fantastic that they still feel that way about one another after all these years. Isn’t that what everyone should strive for when it comes to their relationship? I know lots of people who are in relationships with a person they don’t see a future with and yet they keep dating that person. Is being alone so scary that dating someone you are only mildly interested in the best alternative? After about the age of 25ish dating for fun seems to be over for women there is a bit more pressure to find “The One”.

Relationships are hard I understand that and marriage is harder. But the pay off is worth all of the work and effort. When you are with someone who you truly love and are excited to be with the work doesn’t seem so hard. I have a friend who has been dating a man for over three months. They get along, they have fun, they are exclusive, she is happy. However, he won’t refer to her as his girlfriend, despite the fact that they aren’t dating other people. What is it about that title or saying that you are in a relationship that changes things? I don’t get it. Why is the label so frightening for some people? I’m getting off topic, back to my point.

Women date jerks and guys date bimbos.

As my male friend put it, “I will never underestimate the kindness of women.” We were talking about how beautiful and awesome the girlfriend was of a complete jerk. So many women make excuses for a jerk’s behavior. “Well he didn’t call cause he was busy.” “He cancelled plans an hour after we were supposed to meet cause he had more important things to deal with but I understand.” Are you kidding me? Ladies how can I put this nicely? Knock it the f*** off! Stop making excuses and settling for less than you deserve.

I don’t understand women who stick around waiting for the jerk they are dating to get his act together. As if they can change his ways by enduring bad behavior. Stop being a martyr and find someone who values and respects you. Stop waiting for him to turn over the new leaf. Idle threats about leaving him the next time he hurts you, enough! Leave him and stop forcing your girlfriends to comfort you after each and every break up. Prove that you have enough dignity to walk away from a relationship that is unworthy of your time. And it’s not just women who are staying in these undesirable relationships, guy friends I have who don’t even really like their girlfriends stay because it’s “better than nothing”. So is that what we should all hope for? Better than nothing, sex on a regular basis with someone we can stand?

Please, don’t settle; don’t make excuses, stop rationalizing bad behavior. The person who you want to be with will treat you wonderfully, make you feel loved and appreciated every day and will be proud to tell everyone they are with you.


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