Anyway, we had both let issues go without talking about them and eventually it came to a head at a party I was hosting.  Without getting into all of the details, since this is about the break up and all, there were a number of things that occurred that really sealed the deal for me, in addition to what some of my close friends were saying.  The weird thing, though, was at one point, I began to receive text messages from one of my ex’s friends.  This friend of hers was telling me that I should “just break up with her.”  The text messages went on and revealed a few more things that really did put the final nail in the coffin.  I knew what I had to do.  By my ex was passed out on my bed.  The “talk” would have to wait until morning.

That morning came and this is the part of the story where I feel like a jerk.  You see, given our problems, my ex and I hadn’t been… intimate… for some time.  For whatever reason, “it” happened in the morning and we had sex, so I had to hold off on our talk.  We each had taken a shower, I went downstairs to survey the wreckage from the previous nights’ festivities.  It turned out that no one stayed the night, or they cleared about before I came downstairs because they probably knew I’d enlist their help (assholes).  I didn’t want to clean it myself, obviously.  So the talk would have to wait.  It was a TON of work!!  So my ex helped me clean the place and about 4 hours later we sat on the couch.  Both of us were spent and hung over.  My ex suggests we go grab lunch and that is when I finally initiate “the talk.”  It was brief and to the point, yet intense.  We were both at the same point and knew that this was the best direction to take…  I walked my ex to her car and that was the end of that.

In summary, having sex with my ex, making my ex help me clean and then not buying her lunch and then breaking up with her, are the reasons why I am, in fact, a big jerk.  Or is there more?  I’m inclined to think that I handled that situation both selfishly and poorly and I would have done it differently because I know who it hurt and how much.

So when I am at the pubs and I hear someone yell, “Where is the jerk that calls himself the Yannibmbr?”  I will stick my head out and respond, “Sir!  I am that jerk.”

Source: Link

There are no passwords to forget, simply sign in through Twitter or Facebook and import the data you want. This makes up most of your profile on Gelato.

Sure sure, if you want your regular “I like to take long walks on the beach” typed in profile, there is a space for that, but its not really needed.

Through your online updates, people can really get to know you. The real you. In real time. Your stream says a lot about you and your interests making it much easier for someone who shares those interests to find you.

Gelato also doesn’t limit its information to Twitter and Facebook. Gelato allows you import data from many of your favorite sites to help further your chances of finding a good match.

Music Buff? Rather than having your fingers fall off trying to type your list of favorite songs. Instead, you can add feeds from Pandora or Last.fm.

Photographer? You can import your Flickr.

Movies or TV more your thing? Import feeds from Hulu and Netflix.

You can also import information from Seesmic and Amazon.

Our creator, Steve Odom has made it so that with Gelato, you don’t have to work so hard to just be yourself. With our stream and the variety of imported information you choose, the old standby profiles are yesterday.

One of the greatest things though about Gelato is that with our feeds we make it hard to be fake. On normal sites with simple written profiles, its easy to lie and misrepresent yourself. With our feeds, it takes a whole lot more effort on quite a few other sites to really pull it off.

We’re all about genuine people finding like-minded people. That makes for better dates. And that is Gelato.

“Well you need three kinds of clearance for that.  You need FAA clearance, several gun permits and plain old clearance and then your friend’s clearance.  Oh and don’t get me started on what it takes for Moms…”

All I can say is “just wow!’  That’s a lot of damn clearance and a college semester’s worth of studying up to get it all right, methinks.  However, my personal opinion is that there’s nothing wrong with dating your friends’ exes, even if they don’t live in Texas (sorry, had to go for it!).  I’ve dated friend’s exes and I’ve had friend’s date mine.  Sure, there was plenty of awkwardness in each situation, but you get through it and if your friendships are strong enough you can work through the issues… usually.

There seems to be this prevailing bro-code that states “thou shalt not date a bro’s ex.”  Simple and straight forward; but why?  Is it to avoid awkward moments?  Is it to avoid dealing with lingering feelings of hurt and/or resentment?  Respect?  It could be any number of things.  However, I think in a situation where there is a genuine bond between your ex and one of your friends the rule shouldn’t apply.  That is, unless your ex isn’t engaged in a plot to drive a dagger into your still-bleeding heart by sexing it up with your friends.

One of the first girlfriends I had, had dated and, I think, been engaged to a good friend of mine.  I didn’t tell him about it right up front and that was wrong of me.  In fact, it took almost three years after the fact before I said anything.  In my defense, he would have used my head as a soccer ball.  Just sayin’.  That I told my friend that I dated his ex (I was no longer dating her at that point) was more a selfish move on my part as opposed to a “coming clean” session.  It opened a lot of old wounds and made things uncomfortable between my friend and I for a while… Was it worth it, dating my buddy’s ex?  Well, in many ways, yes, it was.  I learned a lot from her (not in a sexual way, you pervs… though, it should be noted that I learned some there, too) while we were together.

I guess why I’m on board with saying “yeah, it’s okay to date your friend’s exes” because I feel that if adults are, in fact, adults they govern themselves and can make an intelligent decision.  That decision being to pursue the person that makes them happiest.  I would think that my friends would have my happiness in mind, regardless of who I date… Do I think there’s a discussion that should happen before a decision is made?  Yes, I do.  I think it’s the inherent responsibility of the interested party to approach their friend about the topic.  If it’s really going to bother your friend and you risk ruining your friendship then make a judgement call and determine what is more important.  However, I feel that if a friend presents you with that choice it’s pretty immature on the friend’s part.

In yet another situation there was a person I used to be best friends with.  He and his girlfriend had broken up.  He asked me not to speak to her ever again.  At first, I went along with it going with the “bros before hos” mantra… That was dumb, though. This “ho,” so to speak, had also become a really good friend to me.  She had seen me go through a lot (and I mean A LOT) of issues, setbacks and heart ache. I grew to really trust her.  In thinking about it further, it became inconceivable to me that I could ever break that bond of friendship.  Eventually things with my “best friend” had soured and we had a falling out, one of those issues being my continued friendship with his ex girlfriend.  Now, my friend’s ex and I never dated or did anything romantic together, we were friends only.  Oh don’t go quoting me by saying “But, didn’t you say that men and women can’t be just friends??” Jerks. =)

On the other hand, I’ve been that guy that’s had a friend date one of his exes.  The gal I had been dating at that time had broken things off with me and said “let’s just be friends.”  It was difficult, but I was coping.  Since her and I hung out in the same group, we were always seeing each other.  I could see that her and a mutual friend of ours were “clicking” and hanging out a lot.  It bugged me, but I didn’t say anything.  One day my friend approached me and we went out to shoot some hoops.  That’s what manly men do when they want to talk about matters of the heart, ladies, do pay attention.

We played and we talked.  He told me how he felt about my ex and how much fun they had together.  I took it in and sucked it up.  I told my friend that I was fine with him dating my ex.  I told him that I’d probably be a bit of an ass at times about it, but that I would get over it and to give me time.  I even gave him pointers on dealing with my ex and things to watch out for.  Don’t get me wrong, I still wanted to rip something limb from limb… but I knew that I’d be able to deal with it and that I was ultimately being very selfish.

At the end of the day that’s what dating or maintain a relationship comes down to:  Maturity, respect and just being able to deal with one’s feelings.  As with most things in life, it’s a two way street.  The intent to date a friend’s ex should be made known to your friend, whose “seconds you intend to plate on your own tray.”  Also a healthy look at oneself and what the friendship really means and what your friend’s happiness means to you.

My relationship history coupled with horror stories has long made me wary of the whole marriage thing. If you are together and you are committed and you’re happy why do you need to change your last name and make your friends wear ugly matching dresses and throw an expensive party to tell everyone, “Look we are SO in love! So buy a crystal vase we will never use to commemorate the day we made that love legal.”

My aversion to marriage only grew with the passing of Prop 8 in CA but this is no time for that discussion. I think the root of this allergy I seem to have to marriage is the process of broaching all the major subjects: kids, place where you will live, buying a home, bank accounts, etc. Also the idea of forever seems a bit intimidating in this short life. I cannot imagine getting divorced. Marriage is something that I want to last and some people seem to enter into so lightly. I am a fiercely independent person who doesn’t necessarily want to change my last name. Because once that paperwork is filed I’m not going to stand in the DMV line again to change my last name back on my license!

Yes I believe in love. Yes I am a sucker for romance. Yes I believe compromise is the key to a long lasting relationship. My parents are the poster couple of a loving happy marriage. They are in the minority. They make me optimistic that I can find a love that will last and despite my cynicism regarding marriage it’s possible to form a life long connection with someone. But no I don’t think you need a piece of paper from city hall to make it work. Before entering any long-term commitment there are certain questions one needs answered. Vow swapping or not a couple needs to settle the issue of children, where they will live and religion. These are matters that compromise is not going to work with.

I admire couples who have opposing faiths and still marry. If they can make it work good for them, however the odds are not stacked in their favor. And let’s be reasonable it’s not as if you can have a part time child together. If you have the money then I guess the bicoastal home is an option.

Besides having to be in harmony with all the major life decisions you also have to know that this person that you love is “The One”. How can anyone be 100% sure of that? How can you forsake all others and dedicate yourself to one person not knowing if your feeling will change? Maybe I am a fickle person or maybe I haven’t met the elusive “One”. I know that once upon a time I thought I had met my “One” and that fell apart terribly and I have since been cautious as to letting other’s in. But I also know that the overwhelming love I felt for that person has occurred again in my life with two other people but they always had the option to leave. That option to leave is still there whether or not a ring is involved. Divorce is as common as anything these days. Plus I like having the option to leave without having to get lawyers involved.

Maybe there isn’t just one person there can be several “Ones” and we can happy however it plays out. It seems too often the pressure to get married and start a family is the motivation behind proposal among people my age. They are expected by society standards that this what you do at this age. What happens if you never make it official? If you stay with the same person for many years and never make it legal. Isn’t that just as good as being married? I think so. I say what’s the hurry? Why the need for a giant shiny rock? Take your time and truly get to know one another and after many years together that loving feeling is still strong then I guess make it official if not for anything besides the tax break.

But what happens when you get together that one time… and the sex is no longer good?  It never fails that one person becomes dissatisfied with the sex before the other.  How do you let the other person down gently?  You don’t want to criticize their skills in the sack.  But you are also no longer interested in hooking up with them.

But then the question becomes this: do you pass off the one bad time as a fluke?  Was it just a bad day?  Or is it something that will continue if you get together again?  And, are you even willing to get together with them again?  If the only reason you meet up with them is because the sex is good, and it no longer is, then is it worth seeing them anymore?

Unfortunately there is no gentle way to let someone know that you no longer want to be their buddy.  If you have moved in to a new relationship, it is quite simple.  But if you just don’t want to see them anymore, what can you do?  For a while, you can turn them down saying you have other plans and that you are busy.  But you can only be busy for so long.  In the end you have to explain to them that you are no longer interested in sleeping with them.  If only they made a Hallmark card for that…

The Pinkberry-ness of the evening is almost done and Staff mentions, “Did you know that neuroscientists say men should wear baby powder behind their ear to attract women? That women are drawn to the scent…that whole wanting a baby and nurturing thing.” Gross.

Give. Me. A. Break. The steps you men will go to are exhausting. If it takes baby powder behind the ear at a club to mind trap a women into dating you because you think she is baby crazy, you might have the wrong woman. Plus, do you really want crazy-wants-to-make-a-baby-tonight-woman in your bed? Tonight? Think, man. Think!

See, you don’t need to trick us into wanting you. We WANT you. We like your scruffy beards. We like your almost wrinkled shirts. We like your suits. We like when you know all the answers and the crinkled look when you sometimes don’t. We adore the smell of you not the baby powder jedi mind trick version of you. We like that you smell a little musky and sometimes smell a little like the end of a hard work day. We don’t need you to smell like a baby’s butt, no. Don’t trick us into wanting you. That might work for an evening but if you’re looking for anything longer than your 20 minutes of fame, you’re going to have to win us over….with you.

And we really, really like….you.

I’m not sure what the above has to do with this post, just follow me, okay. With the adoption of social networks by the masses to share information and collaborate it has created this gigantic cyber vacuum for people to connect in ways that weren’t really possible… Change is on the horizon, friends.

However, I offer that dating sites are social networks that were around well before the facebooks and myspaces of the world. They existed, primarily, as pay-for-services. Nothing too exciting there. Dating sites have existed largely unchanged over the years. Over the last several years sites have been offering more sophisticated matching algorithms, like eHarmony. The thing is, though, with each of these sites, as much as they strive to be different, they largely remain the same. That is, with Match, eHarmony, Plenty of Fish and the endless swath of sites out there, you still have a random profile, with a pic, that tells people that you like stuff, do stuff, eat stuff and enjoy a variety of other stuff. Blah blah blah. People have seen it over and over. I have and I’d like to know that there’s something different out there.

Dating, Powered by YOU!
Recently, the Twitterverse revealed a new dating service to me: Gelato. It appears that the good people behind Gelato read my mind… or I read theirs and their concept is an exciting and refreshing approach using the networks that really let you know what they’re about and what they’re into; which is a lot more than you get from a standard vanilla dating site.

Here’s a brief description of Gelato:

On other dating sites, written profiles all sound the same. We’re all laid back, like long walks on the beach and having a good time. These profiles are static, flat and fall short of conveying who a person really is. Too often we end up on dates where we don’t have much in common with the other person.

Facebook, Twitter, Flickr, Netflix and other social networks offer great windows into our everyday lives. Pulling information from these social networks and supplementing that with our own writing leads to a more dynamic, multi-faceted profile that updates automatically. This makes it harder to create fake profiles and easier to meet like-minded people. That makes for better dates. And that is Gelato.

I think it’s awesome that more sites are really getting involved in social media outlets to promote dating and getting people “mixed in” together. Gelato and the Dating Revolution are two sites that have me very excited about the future online dating because “they get it.”

I think I’ll sign up for Gelato’s service and see how it goes and then offer up a review in the coming weeks… Perhaps if the good people at Gelato are up for it I can have them write a guest post about their site.

Quick Info
Ge.la.to
Ge.la.to Blog

However, I offer that dating sites are social networks that were around well before the facebooks and myspaces of the world. They existed, primarily, as pay-for-services. Nothing too exciting there. Dating sites have existed largely unchanged over the years. Over the last several years sites have been offering more sophisticated matching algorithms, like eHarmony. The thing is, though, with each of these sites, as much as they strive to be different, they largely remain the same. That is, with Match, eHarmony, Plenty of Fish and the endless swath of sites out there, you still have a random profile, with a pic, that tells people that you like stuff, do stuff, eat stuff and enjoy a variety of other stuff. Blah blah blah. People have seen it over and over. I have and I’d like to know that there’s something different out there.

Dating, Powered by YOU!
Recently, the Twitterverse revealed a new dating service to me: Gelato. It appears that the good people behind Gelato read my mind… or I read theirs and their concept is an exciting and refreshing approach using the networks that really let you know what they’re about and what they’re into; which is a lot more than you get from a standard vanilla dating site.

Here’s a brief description of Gelato:

On other dating sites, written profiles all sound the same. We’re all laid back, like long walks on the beach and having a good time. These profiles are static, flat and fall short of conveying who a person really is. Too often we end up on dates where we don’t have much in common with the other person.

Facebook, Twitter, Flickr, Netflix and other social networks offer great windows into our everyday lives. Pulling information from these social networks and supplementing that with our own writing leads to a more dynamic, multi-faceted profile that updates automatically. This makes it harder to create fake profiles and easier to meet like-minded people. That makes for better dates. And that is Gelato.

I think it’s awesome that more sites are really getting involved in social media outlets to promote dating and getting people “mixed in” together. Gelato and the Dating Revolution are two sites that have me very excited about the future online dating because “they get it.”

I think I’ll sign up for Gelato’s service and see how it goes and then offer up a review in the coming weeks… Perhaps if the good people at Gelato are up for it I can have them write a guest post about their site.

Quick Info
Ge.la.to
Ge.la.to Blog

Yannibmbr:    First off, who are you and what is your background?
Ross Felix: I’m Ross Felix, Founder and CEO of Dating Revolution. I’m a project manager and a business analyst by trade and have made my living by being a problem solver for a variety of companies that I’ve worked for. I live in NYC with my fiancée, who I met 2.5 years ago (on an online dating site).

Ybr: Why did you create http://thedatingrevolution.com ?
RF: I helped design and create a dashboard for an in-house sales database for a former employer.  Upon completion I realized how powerful this application was for our sales force, and that in my mind, efficiency is the LAST thing that online dating sites consider.

Ybr: Is there a void in online dating sites that you feel your site addresses?
RF: Sure!  We’re in an odd industry where doing a good job loses you clients, though doing a poor job loses them for you faster.  Many of the sites have flaws that seem to make you spend more time on the site, in terms of total duration as well as time per visit.  Our site was created after interviewing 700 singles, most of whom are online dating veterans to see what could be done to improve the experience. There are a number of voids that include the issue of paid and unpaid members, general sites vs. niche sites, and an inability to control who is able to contact you proactively.

Ybr: What makes the dating revolution different than other dating sites?
RF: More than anything else, our ongoing desire to put a pro-dater product forward.

Our site allows used to be more efficient through our EasyMatch™ technology, providing better user driven matches, while cutting down on unwanted emails (i.e. women in their 20s getting emails from guys in their 50s).  By providing color coded results, users can see how good of a match someone is based on what BOTH people are looking for, without even opening up their profile.

Additionally, we’re working on a community based application, which will enable users to join multiple communities based on religion, ethnicity, special interests and/or location. This is a stark contrast of having to choose a general site that does not address your niche or a niche site that is too targeted.

We intend to keep developing applications that will make online dating easier and more efficient, instead of trying to squeak every last penny of revenue we can out of our members.

Ybr: What have been some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced putting this site together?
RF: Trying to develop a site on a shoestring budget with part time developers.

Ybr: What do you want people to feel or think about when they visit your site?
RF: I want them to feel that this site was truly created with them in mind. After all, that’s why we feel so strongly about it.

Ybr: How do you envision users interacting with one another on the dating revolution?
RF: I see it as the same as on other sites. The difference is that you can more easily find the members you’d like to talk with, and are able to proactively eliminate many that you don’t want to correspond with.  In the future we’ll have additional tools that will remind you that you haven’t replied to someone, to help keep the lines of communication open. Finally, we’re looking at some creative ways to keep members honest.

Ybr: Who is your ideal member?  Who will your site help the most?
RF: Our ideal member are those in their 20s-40s who are serious about dating. Whether their goals are dating, a relationship or marriage, our site is designed to help them find their best possible match.

Ybr: Is social media marketing a part of the plan to generate interest in your site and product?
RF: In this day and age, it has to be.  We’re going to be looking to partners / affiliates for some of our growth, not to mention blogging, twitter and such.

Ybr: Would your site promote events where singles can meeting person?
RF: Online dating is great. But many people are more comfortable meeting in a more organic environment.  While we aren’t in the events business, we’d gladly work with other organizations that do run events that cater to singles.  Groups like Club Getaway, Zog Sports and Moxie in the City are fantastic ways for singles to interact in a fun environment where some of the pressure of being “single” is reduced.

Ybr: Anything else you’d like to share about yourself and your site and/or dating in general?
RF: We’ve also started a new blog at blog.thedatingrevolution.com.  We hope to make it more about dating in general, and how to be as successful as possible.  I’m learning more and more through twitter about the trials that both men and women are going through as it relates to online dating. I managed to survive the experience unscathed, and am now very happily engaged. I’d like to do what I can to help others find the same happiness.

Many thanks to Ross Felix for taking the time to share his vision for online dating and letting us in on the site and what he’s looking to do with it.  We really feel he has his pulse on what daters are looking for out of an online dating site.

For now, the web site is in beta and is still a work in progress.  However, due to the “construction work” the site is free to become a member.  I highly recommend that you sign up for an account and check out what they have going on. A couple of us already have and we like what we’re seeing, thus far.  Check it out and let them know what you think of their online dating offering.